I’m building a new business, and I’m finding it hard to shake the feeling that I need to be moving faster.

In the past, when I’ve created a new offering, it was often accompanied by the desire for a quick return on investment. I wanted to launch a thing because I needed some money coming in.

But now, despite COVID, things are more stable. I’m creating something new because I want to, not because I’m desperate and digging myself out of a hole. And that means I can take my time. However, I still feel that underlying sense of urgency. And this urgency carries a cost.

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Vacation, a holiday, time off. For me, it used to mean travel. A complete disruption of routine. An opportunity to explore something new.

What does it mean when I’m stuck at home? There’s no travel. The routine persists. Exploration is limited — so is the new and novel.

As a teacher, I tend to have a lot of opportunities for time off. This year, I’ve greeted most of them with, “May as well get some work done.” There’s been so much to do and so little energy for accomplishing it, so the extra time has been helpful.

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Millions of American schoolchildren are returning to their routine today after the Thanksgiving holiday, along with the many workers who were fortunate enough to have a bit of time off.

Usually, the return to school and work is a pleasant one. Having had a break, we feel refreshed and relaxed and eager to reconnect with classmates or coworkers.

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I tend to spend a lot of time in the future: Making plans, envisioning how things will be.

I relish the sense of anticipation I feel thinking about an upcoming trip. I work with my team to come up with long-term plans for business development. I prepare students for high school, three years away.

It takes practice to visualize events and conditions that haven’t happened yet. You play with variables and adjust the model, then change your assumptions and do it again and again. What if this? What if that? I usually enjoy this activity very much, and I’ve gotten pretty good at it.

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As a musician, I’ve learned to buff and polish a piece to a high level of shine. However, I also really enjoy being spontaneous. Whether that’s taking a request in a live performance or improvising with other musicians, there’s something to be said for the high wire act of trying something new and creative. 

I miscalculated gravely in a recent performance. I was singing a new composition that I had never performed before. In fact, it was so new that I completely forgot how it went in the middle of performing it. Luckily, the crowd was forgiving. 

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