I’ve been teaching some online songwriting classes for kids.

It’s been a lot of fun. We’re making up silly lyrics about tacos and learning to jam a little bit.

These kids have varying levels of participation. Some of them are all in, chanting rhythms and offering little bits of melody. Some will sing along when they’re on mute but refuse to turn on their mics to share what they are doing. Some will propose some lyrics or answer questions in the chat. And some won’t contribute at all — their participation is limited to observation.

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Did you hear? School is canceled. It’s happened in Virginia and Georgia…and soon, many other places will follow.

I’m hearing from many parents who are deeply concerned about the losses their children are experiencing, from the inability to play with their friends to the cancellation of high school graduation ceremonies. These are losses to be grieved and respected. But there is an additional layer of fear that parents have, which is that the emotional impact will cause long-term harm.

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I’ve seen it happen countless times. An eight-year-old walks up to his mom with a crumpled piece of paper. Mid-conversation, she tucks the trash into her purse or pocket without conscious awareness.

I ask you: At what age should a child be expected to find a trash can on his own? Twelve? Twenty-five?

As a teacher, I’ve observed that many parents (and in fact, many teachers) do things for children and adolescents that the kids could be doing for themselves.

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Because I began my career as a music teacher, I’m sensitive to pressure from parents to make learning “fun.”

Learning an instrument (or anything) can be enjoyable, satisfying, and invigorating. It can also be frustrating, overwhelming, and exhausting, even when it’s going well and you love what you’re doing.

Yes, learning can be fun, too. But it isn’t inherently fun, and fun is not the goal.

To try to make things fun for kids all the time is sort of like feeding them sweet snacks constantly. It doesn’t allow them to develop a taste for anything else. And yet, even young children have a surprising capacity to appreciate other flavors.

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“I’m sooooo full!” said the ten-year-old at the dinner table, groaning theatrically. A moment later, she perked up. “What’s for dessert?”

Obviously, the special dessert compartment in her stomach still had room. Been there!

I can relate to the child’s situation metaphorically as well as literally. Martha Beck, in her book Finding Your Own North Star, points out that we sometimes find ourselves feeling ill or sleepy when we’re doing something we don’t want to do, yet our symptoms of malaise and fatigue magically clear when we’re doing something that we find fun and engaging.

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Wouldn’t it be great if you could transmit all of your wisdom and experience to your child?

You could help your kid avoid making the same mistakes you made. They would then benefit from your knowledge and make better decisions.

Unfortunately, your can’t just plug your thumb drive into their built-in USB port and transfer your knowledge files. The download will fail. The ungrateful brats don’t want to listen!

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