Whether I’m coaching someone through a difficult math problem or a new approach to their business, I can quickly see what the problem is when they react negatively to my praise.
“Great progress!” I’ll say, pointing out something specific that they’re doing well.
“Ugh, I was supposed to have done this two years ago,” they might say. Or they’ll roll their eyes and say, “we’ll see.”
Read MoreThe dining room table was strewn with tiny cardboard circles, little wooden figurines, and stacks of laminated cards.
These were familiar elements of Euro-style board games by now, but now we were playing a brand new game. Examining the pieces — like fifteen different kinds of pieces — I couldn’t make sense of any of it. I tried to be patient as my husband read the rules, but I found myself getting sleepy and struggling to concentrate. The words passed through me without meaning. As he turned the pages, I didn’t feel as though I was getting any closer to knowing how to play this game.
Read MoreI wasn’t allowed to watch Saturday morning cartoons as a kid. (Yes, it killed my elementary school social life big time.) For some reason, we were only allowed a bit of Mr. Magoo before the TV was shut off and it was time for breakfast.
Mr. Magoo centers on the adventures of a hapless, legally blind retiree who has frequent brushes with death and disaster as a result of his inability to see — and his seeming unawareness that he can’t see. He bumbles through life oblivious to the danger he’s in and the degree to which other people are constantly rescuing him.
Read MoreTalent is convenient.
It’s undeniably helpful to have early promise or natural aptitude in a particular area. We tend to enjoy things we’re good at. If you are naturally good at something, you will stick with it all the way to mastery.
However, the flip side concerns me more. If you are not naturally good at something that you really want to master, I urge you to stick with it anyway. Sooner or later, with consistent effort over time, some aspect of it will click. When you evaluate things several weeks, months, or years later, you may even find that your results are indistinguishable from the “talented” person.
Read MoreWhat do we mean when we call someone “smart”?
I have often heard people use the word to reassure someone. “Honey, it’s okay — you’re very smart, even though you didn’t ace the test,” or “You’re just smart in a different way than your brother.”
It’s used reproachfully: “You’re so smart — why are you doing such dumb things?”
It’s also heaped on as the highest praise: “This group of kids is so smart!”
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