Sometimes, the emotional weight of what we’re trying to do is too heavy.
We might be burdened by the shame of past failures.
We might have waited so long to do the thing that now it feels like too big a deal.
We might be scared of what will happen after we do the thing.
Read MoreWhen you’re confident, you can aim for a goal that will require more resources than you have.
You won’t reach the goal — you can’t — but maybe you’ll get farther than you would have if you had set your sights on something more reasonable.
I’ve spent a lot of my career exploring what happens when this doesn’t work. When someone sets a goal they had no business trying to reach, without the confidence to survive falling short.
Read MoreWhen I was in my late twenties, I thought I might want to take up tennis.
I didn’t actually pursue it consistently — my life was too chaotic. However, I took a lesson at my mom’s club during a visit with family. My younger sister, who had played tennis in high school, was gracious enough to go down to the high school courts with me and hit some balls around.
Read MoreWhen my little cousin went to preschool for the first time, she had a wonderful experience.
Nevertheless, as she was leaving at the end of the day, she said loudly to her mother, “I didn’t learn anything.”
Hopefully, that made her teachers (and the school director) laugh. Regardless of what the child’s expectations were, she definitely learned something.
Read MoreMy husband, unlike me, is a lifelong athlete whose muscles have developed with the aid of testosterone.
In the moment, however, when he’s on the other side of the net, I have a hard time remembering that. The ball comes at me too fast on the eighth shot of the rally, and I whack it into the net or over to the adjacent tennis court with an involuntary cry of frustration.
What happens next is critical. It makes all the difference as to whether we have fun playing tennis together…or ride home in silence wishing we had skipped it.
I have to carefully consider what I will say to myself.
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