Over the holidays, a family member mentioned that he’s been learning to play guitar.

Or, he had been learning, but it turned out to be more difficult than he had thought, so he gave up in frustration.

He used an app that showed the sequence of notes to play as the recording of a given song played in the background. The notation moved along, conveyor-belt style, sort of like the game Guitar Hero.

Or maybe it is. How can you know for sure?

Increasingly, I’m noticing that a key role that I have in my clients’ lives is to be a filter.

Based on knowing them, their strengths, and their desired outcomes, I’m helping them to figure out which voices to listen to, what frameworks apply to them, and which advice to take.

I worked with a leader, Evan, who was extremely humble and self-effacing.

Evan was constantly working to improve himself. Whenever anything went wrong, his first move was to look at his own behavior. His default assumption was, “the problem must be me.”

Often, though, Evan had already done what he needed to do. He had made a plan, communicated clearly, and followed through on his promises.

Between tennis sets, my friend remarked upon the little boy of about six who was in the midst of a rigorous practice session with his father on the adjacent court.

“He’s really good!” she said. “But wow...his father is kind of harsh.”

“Yeah,” I said, thinking about the many years’ worth of parent-child dynamics I witnessed as an educator. “Sometimes that level of performance carries a cost.”