Things aren't going to change

When in doubt, quit it all, move to the seaside, and build a wooden boat.

Once upon a time, I was trying to make the case to an eleven-year-old that she would need to learn basic skills like doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and blow-drying her own hair.

“When you’re eighteen, you’ll be on your own,” I said.

“Well then, can’t I just learn it all then?” she asked.

As you might imagine if you’ve ever had a similar conversation, I didn’t get very far in convincing her of anything. But I did try to point out that it might not be a bad idea to practice some new skills between now and then so that she’d be prepared.

Things aren’t any different for us once we become adults. We know that if we’re doing the same thing in the same way, we’ll keep getting the same results. So if we want something other than our current reality, we’ve got to lay the groundwork. Whatever we want to be good at, we may as we begin practicing now.

If our life is full of a sense of striving — setting big goals and hustling to reach them, comparing ourselves to others, consuming media that gets us psyched up, and constantly pushing ourselves to do more and be more and think bigger — this becomes a habit that will not change unless we consciously decide to.

We will not, someday, encounter a moment when we can stop striving. The dreams will get bigger and the targets higher, and we’ll keep comparing ourselves to the others. If we haven’t established a habit of appreciating what we have, it’s not going to magically appear.

Likewise, being busy is a habit that will not change on its own. If I fill every hour and pride myself on how much I can take on, I will continue to set up my life in a way that perpetuates this, no matter how tired, overwhelmed, and resentful I get. A vacation or a day off will be just as full as a workday. The noise in my head will keep me spinning even when I don’t actually have to be doing anything.

When you don’t like what you’re getting, doing it more isn’t going to change that. If we’re not happy at the start, then continuing in the direction we’re going will never make us happy.

Things aren’t going to change — unless you decide to change. What do you want? What do you wish for? How do you want to feel?

It doesn’t seem to work to adopt someone else’s values or dreams or to go through the motions to continue with something you thought you wanted.

And sometimes, the thing that is calling us is totally irrational.

Finding your way through the maze of possibilities toward your own joy and fulfillment takes a lifetime. But you might as well start practicing now, with whatever joy and fulfillment you can find today.