Resetting the clock
What can you do today that will make you feel better about yesterday? (Image by Brent Olson)
Recently, I got to hug some family members for the first time since January.
A combination of traveling and the good ol’ pandemic kept me away — at least a few hours away, and sometimes a thousand miles away. But finally, outdoors on a beautiful day, none of us having gone anywhere recently, it was time to embrace.
I had been so anxious about missing them and missing so much of their lives. Kids change so fast. Would they even remember me? But within moments it was as though no time had passed. Just like old times, except in masks.
And now, I can say that it’s been only a few days since I’ve hugged them all. That’s manageable. No need for angst or grief. The clock has been reset.
This clock is kind of the reverse of those “___ days since our last accident” workplace signs that are parodied in pop culture. The more time that passes, the more cause there is for concern. We might have such a clock related to our diet or exercise routine (“Oh, man, I haven’t gone running in more than a week”) or a creative pursuit (“I was trying to work on my screenplay every day, but then I had to get that surgery a month ago and since then I haven’t been able to get back to it”). Whatever it is, as the days go by, we might feel stuck or frustrated and then resigned.
Jerry Seinfeld has spoken about the importance of sticking to streaks, marking X’s on a calendar for each day you do a specific activity. “Don’t break the chain!” he says. But sometimes, our streaks are interrupted due to circumstances beyond our control, and coming back from breaking one — starting at nothing again — can be demoralizing.
In those moments, it can help us to celebrate resetting the clock. We can acknowledge that it’s just as important to get on the wagon when we fall off as it is to keep the streaks going. In a moment, in one decision, you can be at the start of a new streak.
It can be painful to reply to an email that’s been mouldering in your inbox for six weeks, to pick back up on an abandoned project that you once began with high hopes, to clean a kitchen that got out of control over the weekend, or to try to correct a bedtime that’s veered a few hours off course. That is, it’s painful to think about doing it, but once you are actually on board, it feels amazing to finally break out of the cycle of procrastinating because you were procrastinating because you were procrastinating. Now you are finally doing the work, and there is no more procrastination or apprehension to drive you further into neglect. You’re on top of things again, which might even give you the wherewithal to deal with the next dreaded thing on your list.
If you’re anything like me, you may swear to yourself that you will never again let things get out of hand or walk away from an undertaking that’s so important to you. And also, if you’re anything like me, you might still make this mistake and lose your way for a few weeks, months, or a decade. But in a moment, like me, you can be back to reading that challenging book (maybe starting from the beginning again), doing yoga, writing a song, or ridding your house of piles of unfolded laundry.
Once you reset the clock, you are once again a person who follows through on what you intend to do. This can create a virtuous cycle wherein it gets easier to be that person. You generate a bit of momentum to carry you through the hard times. When you miss a day — when you break the chain and lose your streak — you can start again with a minimum of guilt or shame.
Ultimately, the important thing is not perfect performance or an unbroken winning streak. What matters is to keep trying. Even when life is hard, we can still do that. Embracing reality isn’t always as joyful as embracing long-lost, adorable children, but it keeps us going just the same.
