Turning eleven
Wishing you blue skies and smooth sailing — even though I know it probably won’t always be. (Image by PipeVasquez Vasquez)
Wow! Eleven. Last year you were double digits, but this year, you’ve got three syllables!
Eleven is a great age. You’re still a kid. You’re still allowed to play on the playground. And at the same time, you’re also very capable. You can play a musical instrument, you can build insanely complex LEGO structures, and you can express sophisticated ideas.
You’re also learning about the world. You’re not only becoming aware of places you’d like to visit and experiences you want to have someday, but you’re also seeing injustice, inequity, and suffering. You’re beginning to understand that just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean they have it all figured out. It’s a little scary to realize that getting older doesn’t aways mean getting wiser. Getting older happens no matter what, but wisdom happens as the result of your choices.
You already know how to make the choices that will lead to wisdom, but it’s okay if you mess up. You have a safe place to experiment and figure it out, with people who love you and are willing to be patient. You’ll learn how to do right by sometimes getting it wrong.
You’re growing up so fast. As you transition into sixth grade, which is middle school in so many places, you’ll see lots of kids who want to grow up faster. Social media, makeup, dating, gossip…trust me when I say that there is no rush. You’ll have the rest of your life for these things, and they’re not that great anyway. After eight years of working with sixth graders, I can tell you this: The happiest kids I see are the ones who don’t have smartphones and aren’t on social media. I promise that your mom didn’t tell me to say that. It’s true.
I remember my summer of being eleven as a time of wandering through the woods, spending long afternoons and evenings at the beach, and reading for hours and hours. I spent time with friends, but mostly what I remember is my time with siblings and cousins. Times have changed and right now things are hard, but hopefully you can experience a little of the freedom that I had, outdoors, ignoring the cares of the world and just being a kid. Believe it or not, even as you get older, you can still have that kind of uncomplicated fun; sometimes it’s a little harder to find, but it’s there for you forever.
It’s so easy to compare ourselves to other people, but it never makes us feel very good. I want to make you see how amazing you are and how much you are loved for being exactly who you are…but I can’t. It’s always something we have to discover for ourselves. At eleven, you are embarking on that long and uncertain journey of adolescence only to hopefully someday return to what you understood perfectly at age three: You are a shining light in the world, a radiant soul, worthy of all the good and wonderful things you hope for.
Nobody can make growing up easy for you, but they can make it easier. The eleven-year-olds I have known sometimes think they have to do everything on their own, and that they’re supposed to know stuff they haven’t learned yet. The most confident people I know, however, are actually the ones who ask for help, clarification, and guidance. They bravely seek the support they need, even when it’s as simple as a hug or a kind word. You’re always allowed to do that.
The summer that Harry Potter turned eleven, on his birthday, a half-giant showed up and told him he was a wizard. I’m afraid that’s not going to happen for you today. All I’ve got for you is this blog post. But you don’t need magic — you can make your own. It’s what kids do anyway. The world would be a much more boring place without it. Without you.
You’re eleven. Enjoy every minute. This is a wonderful age, a magical time of life, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.
Happy birthday, Lu! Much love.
