There’s a sameness to these days, and I can’t remember what they were like before.

I put on my slippers and comfy clothes and shuffle downstairs in the darkness of my little house, turning up the heat as I go. I write. I eat. I think. I communicate with my team, my clients, my friends and family through various means. I eat some more. I write some more. At some point, I go for a walk outside. That’s the day.

There are moments of joy and satisfaction. Moments of connection. Moments of frustration, sorrow, and mirth. It adds up to a life.

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I used to have a tendency to back off when I was winning.

Whether it was a board game or a bit of business success, some combination of guilt, laziness, or fatigue would lead me to coast a bit, leading to diminished results and even losses.

In order to curb this tendency, I took up tennis. I learned how to follow through on a swing and commit to a play. I practiced keeping up the intensity all the way to the end of a match, even when I was losing.

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This week, a giant container ship got stuck in the Suez Canal.

A bunch of tugboats and bulldozers have attempted to create some kind of motion for the ship, but the scale at which they are working is comically small compared to the giant cargo vessel.

I can relate. That’s how I’ve felt lately not only trying to make a change happen and influence others, but also in trying to change myself. How can I begin to overcome entrenched habits and beliefs? How can I change course without getting stuck? It feels like it will take forever, and experiments feel risky.

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There’s a tension that I experience on a frequent basis. It’s between the necessity of slowing down and allowing space for reflection and growth, and the reality that the clock is ticking.

I don’t do my best work dangling by my fingertips off of a precipice. I need to be peaceful, grounded, and safe.

And yet these are the same conditions that can lead to complacency — to doing nothing and letting the time simply pass by.

It is easy enough to fill a day with meals, laundry, and a walk in the fresh air — maybe a bit of bill-paying, family time, or creative work. And the next, and the next.

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I keep thinking back to a perfect day last October.

I woke up in a boutique hotel room just off of Dupont Circle in Washington, D.C. after having spent a lovely weekend with my family (including my littlest nephew). The city was a bit on edge because the Astros had taken the lead over the Nationals the night before in Game 5 of the World Series, which I had watched in between bites of cake and ice cream the night before in a common area of the hotel (along with getting a little work done).

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